1. 4
    19
    Jun

    I have to get this out somewhere

    For me, one of the worst things about manic depression is terrifying the people I love. My parents are the dearest people in the world to me and I’d do anything not to scare them like this. They’ve seen me worse than I am tonight, and they’re as loving as anyone could ask for, but it feels so much worse tonight. I know this will pass. I cycle so rapidly I could wake up in a few hours and feel like a god.

    But in the meantime, I could talk for hours and hours and it would all be about how I don’t want to exist. I can say that to them and it’ll come out like a joke, but I don’t know how to ask them for help. I don’t even know what would help, to be honest. Not to be me, I guess.

    Nothing’s wrong and everything’s wrong and there’s no reason for any of it except all of it. I could explode all over the universe or I could curl up and shake until all the feelings fall out and I’m empty again. I don’t like being empty but maybe it’s better than being so volatile that the slightest change in my life can send me soaring through the skies, or plunging into the deep, dark ocean.

    The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I am not always like this. I’m lucky enough to have sufficient balance, much of the time, that even when I’m everything at once, it’s muted enough for me to function. I don’t have to be here, but I get by. Getting by is the most I can do, right now.

    I will survive this. I will remember, when it’s bad, that things can get better. I’ll look back at what I’ve written and I’ll laugh at myself. As long as I can still laugh, I can still hope.

    EDIT: 2013/06/20 - as expected, feeling much better the next night. It’s amazing what crossing one thing off my to-do list can do for my mood. Leaving this here as a reminder to myself.

  2. 423
    23
    Dec
  3. 31
    4
    Sep
    
[Official Genie Update] Kai Autograph

Everyone else looks vaguely human, and Kai looks like he’s been screenshot from a Final Fantasy game.
    [Official Genie Update] Kai Autograph

    Everyone else looks vaguely human, and Kai looks like he’s been screenshot from a Final Fantasy game.

    (Source: eurongie)

  4. 447
    3
    Aug
    I’ve given up on resisting.

    I’ve given up on resisting.

    (via jongdaelicious-deactivated20121)

  5. 22643
    23
    Jul

    symbioticlifeform:

    Mashup Movie Posters

    I don’t like people messing with Starsky & Hutch, but this one, I’d pay to see. Er…all of them, actually.

    (via jongdaelicious-deactivated20121)

  6. 39
    21
    Jul

    #183 You Know You’re Asexual When…

    youknowyoureasexual:

    …you have a dream about the most obscenely attractive actor you can think of but the sexiest thing that happens is you give him CDs and he thanks you for being nice and you give him a hug.

    He’s more a musician than an actor, I gave him a card, and the hug wasn’t a dream, but despite the fact that you could probably have fit at least two people in his pants, I had no desire to get in them. ^_^

    (Source: )

  7. 15
    Jul

    What I would like the inside of my head to look like:

    What the inside of my head currently looks like:

  8. 14
    Jul

    'All I've Known' - Katriona Gilmore & Jamie Roberts

    Stabbings, drugs, alcoholism, generations on benefits…I love the song, but it paints a sad (but depressingly accurate) picture of modern Britain.

  9. 341
    17
    Jun
    Asexual blogs lead me to the best cake pictures!

    Asexual blogs lead me to the best cake pictures!

    (Source: felipastaystrong, via asexualityexists)

  10. 54
    17
    Jun
    Still working on building it in the first place, but I’d find it incredibly jarring if I ever felt more for someone than “wow, you’re a fun person and I enjoy spending time with you!”

acesecrets:

Written across the asexual flag - I hate that I wake some mornings and am terrified that today will be the day I find myself attracted to someone, and I’ll have to rebuild my identity all over again.
Anyone else?

    Still working on building it in the first place, but I’d find it incredibly jarring if I ever felt more for someone than “wow, you’re a fun person and I enjoy spending time with you!”

    acesecrets:

    Written across the asexual flag - I hate that I wake some mornings and am terrified that today will be the day I find myself attracted to someone, and I’ll have to rebuild my identity all over again.

    Anyone else?

    (via asexualityexists)

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Home for holiday photos, shiny Japanese boybands, and anything else I feel the need to share.
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